


Amore motus

by yukitsubute



Series: amore motus [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:04:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukitsubute/pseuds/yukitsubute
Summary: When Jun breaks up with Sho, it’s Nino who’s there for him. There is just one thing Jun doesn’t know: Nino is in love with him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Written for lilly0 <3 I really hope you like it. I wanted to write something different this time, so I took Matsumiya, I hope that’s okay for you. (PS: Yes, I am your little secret-Santa ;))

  
Nino knocked on the door. He had two bags with ice cream, two bowls of ramen, for bottles of beer and one bottle of whiskey with him.  
  
He was parsimonious in every part of his life. He didn’t even buy clothes, when it was not necessary.  But there was one exception: When Jun called him to come by with food. With Jun it had always been different. Nino would have bought a ship if Jun needed one.  
  
Jun opened the door. His cheeks were flushed and he had red and swollen eyes. Nino immediately knew what had happened. “I am going to kill him,” Nino grumbled without greeting Jun.  
  
“Kazu, it’s okay,” Jun said.  
  
“No, it’s not,” Nino answered. He put his shoes off before he walked up to Jun’s kitchen. He placed the bags there and turned to face Jun again. Nino wanted to hug the other when he saw him standing there like a picture of misery, but he didn’t dare to. He knew Jun didn’t like it to be pampered with hugs. He needed a lot of food, some drinks and a total cheesy, romantic, lovey-dove movie. Nino hated that, but for Jun he would have done everything.  
  
“What did this moron do to you?” Nino wanted to know.  
  
Jun sighed. “It’s complicated.” He leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed. Nino hated it seeing Jun like this. He knew the body language. Jun was about to hide in his shell, and that was totally no good.  
  
“Yeah, I know that Sho is complicated.” Nino took the ramen and filled it into two bowls he took out of Jun’s shelf. He needed to watch out what to say. He knew Jun could bite when he’d say something wrong. He handed one cup to Jun and took the other for himself. “But that’s not a reason for you to sit here crying.”  
  
“Kazu, I ended it.” Jun stepped closer. “I didn’t want that anymore.”  
  
Nino tilted his head. Something in him made some jumps, but he tried suppressing it. “You ended it?”  
  
Jun nodded. “There was no chance to rescue this relationship. We drifted apart and there wasn’t enough love between us anymore.” Jun rubbed his face. “And I will never ever start something with a band member or colleagues anymore. That makes everything just much more complicated.”  
  
Something in Nino clenched painfully. His belly made some jumps and he felt like throwing up. Nino didn’t know when his feelings for Jun started, but it must have been years ago. He could remember how he felt when Jun and Sho got together back then. He was even sick for some days. Nino didn’t like to admit it, but Jun was his first love. A love only one person, his friend Aiba, knew about. Slowly he got used to Jun being with Sho. He tried to stay at Jun’s side with being his friend.  
  
But now? For a second there was hope in Nino. But when Jun said that he would never start a relationship with band members or staff again, Nino felt immediately crushed again. He would have never confessed to Jun, he was far too afraid of that, but still the feeling that there was a chance that Jun could think of getting together with Nino was enough for him. But this bubble got smashed.  
  
And Nino knew Jun well enough. When Jun decided something, then it was decided and nothing could change this.  
  
“Let’s eat something together and watch a movie later on. I don’t want to talk much about it.” Jun took the bowl and sat at the table.  
  
“Sure.” Nino knew that Jun liked to push away his feelings. He started hiding behind a wall, suppressing all the pain and sadness he felt in this moment. He smiled even though he felt like mess. It was totally Jun, but Nino couldn’t change him.  
  
Nino once had tried to change that, but Jun was stubborn and Nino didn’t want to lose him as friend, so he decided to take him how he was. He would stay at Jun’s side to distract him from everything and he’d do whatever Jun wanted.  
  
“How about watching Harry Potter together?” Nino suggested.  
  
Jun looked up at him. He pulled one eyebrow up. “You hate childish-fantasy-movies.”  
  
“No,” Nino started. He sighed when he saw Jun staring at him. “Yes, okay. I don’t like them much, but nevertheless, let’s watch it together. I am okay with it.”  
  
“And you won’t say anything stupid?”  
  
Nino could feel something in him clenching. It was the way Jun looked at him. There was this incredible pain mixed with desperation Jun had in his expression. But there was something else. Nino wasn’t sure if he really got it right. It seemed there was also something like relief in Jun’s eyes. “Pinky-swear,” Nino raised his little finger.  
  
“Okay, then I want to go for the last movie. It’s my favourite after all,” Jun said and Nino didn’t complain about it. He didn’t like any of them, so he didn’t care much about which one they’d watch.  
  
~~~  
  
Already at the half of the movie Nino had the feeling that he’d fall asleep. His eyes got heavy and his thoughts were spinning. “That’s the best moment in this movie,” Jun said, but Nino didn’t even listen. He just nodded with his eyes half closed.  
  
Jun’s lips brushed Nino’s softly. Jun tasted like strawberries mixed with vanilla. When Jun deepened the kiss, Nino let him. He leaned totally into the feeling of Jun taking control of this situation. Nino felt a stinging pain in his rips, but he tried ignoring it. He wanted to last this moment forever and he didn’t want to be disturbed by any other feeling.  
  
“Kazu?” Nino opened his eyes. Damn, everything was just a dream.  
  
“Sorry, J, did you say something?” Nino yawned. He really had fallen asleep.  
  
Jun looked at him. “The movie is over. I think you overslept almost the half of it.” Jun grinned at him. “But it seemed you had a nice dream? Your cheeks are so flushed.”  
  
Nino felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He would never let Jun know about his feelings, and he felt caught. “Seems so,” he murmured.  
  
“Whom was it about?” Jun robbed closer.  
  
Nino just shook his head. “Oh come one, Kazu. I want to know it. You know, now that I am so crushed, I at least want to see my friends being happy.”  
  
Nino had to hold back a laugh. Happy? He’d never be happy, but not at the world’s end he could tell Jun about it. Nino looked at Jun’s eyes. They were dark brown and full of curiosity. Nino knew he wouldn’t get away without saying a name. “A….Aiba-chan?” he more asked then said.  
  
Jun smirked at him. “I knew it!”

No, you know nothing, Nino wanted to say, but he didn’t. He could hit himself for saying something stupid like this, but Aiba’s name was the first one popping up in his mind.  
  
“We have to get you two together!” Jun sounded like he had already made a decision. “And I’ll help you.”  
  
Great…Nino thought. Now he needed to live with this lie. He just hoped that Jun would forget about the help he had offered him here.  
  
~~~  
  
“You did what?” Aiba shrieked.  
  
Nino held the phone further away from his ear when the other yelled into it. “How could you, Kazunari!!”  
  
When Aiba called him like that, he was seriously mad. “I am sorry, Masaki. I just didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him the truth.”  
  
Nino nibbled on his lower lip nervously. He could hear Aiba sighing deeply at the other end. At least Aiba was the one who knew the whole truth behind all this, so Nino could speak openly to him. And maybe they could think about a plan together. “Masaki?” Nino asked carefully.  
  
“I think about what to do,” Aiba grumbled. “And you are sure that Jun-pon will try to bring us together?”  
  
Nino felt like throwing up. He didn’t want that to happen. He didn’t want Jun to get all hyper because he thought he could help Nino getting together with someone else. “I fear so,” Nino said.  
  
“That’s pretty bad.” Nino could hear Aiba sighing. “You know he’ll go on our nerves till you decide to change something about it?”  
  
Yes, Nino knew that. Especially now Jun would do everything to see his friends happy. The worse his own life was, the more he tried to help others being happy. It had always been like this. Jun was always the caring mommy-type, but when his own condition was bad, he got much more into this addiction to help everyone else. “Yes, I know.” Nino nibbled on his lip. “I am sorry, Ma-chan.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. You owe me something for covering up for you.” Aiba started. “And you know you can’t do that for long, because Jun is not stupid at all. He’ll recognize that there is something off.”  
  
Nino knew that Aiba was right. “Great.” He just had no idea how to get out of it – and the only way he had was not a possibility for Nino.  
  
~~~  
  
It was the next day Nino came to the rehearsal room. He was grumpy on this morning. He oversaw time while he had played some videogames and in the end he had slept 3 hours – far too less. When he came into the room and saw Jun already smiling at him, he wanted to turn and run away.  
  
He knew this special Jun-smile. It meant the other had a plan, and Nino totally didn’t want to know about that plan. “Good morning,” Nino grumbled. He looked from one to the other. No one seemed to see Jun’s strange glance he threw at Nino. Sho was busy with his newspaper and Ohno snoozed on the couch.  
  
Just Aiba stood there at the window, rolling his eyes when Nino looked at him. That was no good sign. Jun must have already started with his try to set them up.

“Kazu, how are you doing?” Jun came up to him, wrapping his arm around Nino’s shoulder.  
  
Nino sighed. That would become a horrible day. “I feel great.”  
  
“I talked with Aiba-chan,” Jun whispered. That couldn’t be that he was so chipper about bringing someone else together. What was wrong with Jun? There was his break up with Sho, but Nino never thought that a break could turn out to be like this. Jun had always been down-home and he was for sure there for every of his friends, but he never interfered into someone else’s love live without permission.  
  
Nino sighed. A sudden thought hit him. Jun suffered because of Sho, and he distracted himself with interfering into someone else’s life. “Great, what did he say?”  
  
“I asked him about his love life, and he started to stutter some totally weird stuff. So I guess that he is in love with someone we know, and I have the slight feeling that it is you.” Jun smiled at him and Nino could have got lost in that intense look of Jun’s eyes. For a moment Jun blinked at him. “You really should go for him.”  
  
“Mhm,” Nino said. “Maybe.” He turned to sit on the big couch. “But first I want to play my game.”  
  
“Kazu, that is your future, you can play anytime, but you won’t get the chance to find your love that easily again.” You have no idea, Nino wanted to say, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say a single word. In the corner of his eyes he could see Aiba rolling his eyes. He was visible aggravated because of this situation. Nino tried to give Aiba an excusing smile, but he wasn’t sure if Aiba got it right.  
  
“J, I know what I do. Please let me,” Nino almost begged.  
  
Jun let himself fall next to Nino. “I just want you to be happy, okay?” Jun looked at him. Nino drowned the urgent feeling to jump Jun and just hug him for being the way he was.  
  
“I am happy!” Nino almost blurred out, so that the others looked at him. “Really, I am,” he whispered.  
  
Jun had his head tilted. Nino rubbed over his face. He knew that expression Jun had. It was his ‘I know exactly that this is not true, you can’t trick me’ face. And sadly Jun was damn right, he just had the wrong reason in his mind.

**A/N:** Hello my dear friends, I know I still have my Sakuraiba going on, but lilly, yoru_no_hikaru, little_kirin and I made a secret Santa exchange, and we promised to post our things on this weekend, so here I am. It turned out to be a small multi chapter. I really hope you'll like it.  
I wish you a happy New Year out there, let's start a new fandom year together <3  
Tell me your opinion about it? It's my first time writing a longer Matsumiya story, and I really had fun writing it, I hope you'll like it <3  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jun breaks up with Sho, it’s Nino who’s there for him. There is just one thing Jun doesn’t know: Nino is in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for lilly0 <3 I really hope you like it. I wanted to write something different this time, so I took Matsumiya, I hope that’s okay for you.

Nino breathed in deeply. He felt the cold air touching his face. It was getting colder outside, but Nino loved that. He had his hands in his pockets and stepped to the fence where he looked down on the street.

“You don’t want to jump, right?” Nino froze.

“Gosh, do you want to kill me, Sho? Don’t sneak around like this.” Nino had his hand on his chest. He turned to face the other and his heart started beating faster for real now. He didn’t know what Sho wanted from him, but it was for sure nothing too nice. It was Sho after all, and they hardly ever had some nice small talk, especially not when Nino stood on the roof top to take a break from everything.

Since Sho had been with Jun it was always Ohno on Sho’s side and Nino on Jun’s. Not that they didn’t like each other, but there had been two sides. When Jun and Sho had had trouble, Nino was at Jun’s side, and Ohno at Sho’s. And Aiba had been their Switzerland. He had been totally neutral. Aiba had never wanted to get involved in any relationship troubles, and it had been okay for everyone. So each member had had his place in their own little world. And now? Everything was a mess, and Nino knew that he could make it worse with his feelings.

“I am sorry,” Sho started. “I didn’t want to scare you.” He came up to Nino and looked down. “It’s pretty high.”

“We are on the 20th floor, so I guess it’s just normal that it’s high.” Nino smiled.

Sho looked up at him, and Nino totally didn’t like the expression Sho had. He was tired, probably he hadn’t slept for days, but there was something else, a kind of frustration mixed with resignation. “Probably you are right.”

Nino got a little nervous. He hoped that Sho wouldn’t bother him with his love problems now. In between this whole mess he didn’t need another issue. “I’ll come down soon. I just need some fresh air,” Nino said. Maybe Sho would just leave him, maybe he was just coincidentally here.

In the end Nino knew it was just a hope he had. “Why does Jun believe that you are in love with Masaki?”

Nino felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He didn’t like the situation and he wanted to run away, but there was no chance to flee. In the end Sho would find him, no matter where he’d run to.

“Don’t know, maybe because it’s the truth?” It was a bad idea to spread this rumour, but Nino had no other chance. He could already see Aiba’s grumpy face in front of him, yelling at him. He’d invite Aiba for at least three dinners when this would be over, and he really didn’t like to invite people.

Sho laughed. Nino blinked at him. He felt a little anger rising in him. Was Sho really laughing at him? “Is it that funny to be in love with someone?”

Sho looked at him. He still had a sad sparkle in his eyes. “No, definitely not.” He stepped forward till his body already touched the fence. “But it’s funny that you lie to everyone.”

Nino felt hot and cold at the same time. Sho knew the truth? How? Why? And what would he do now? “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Nino’s voice got a little higher, like always when he was nervous.

Sho pulled his eyebrows up. “No?” He clicked his tongue and turned his body to Nino. “Shall I help you?”

Nino shook his head. “No, thank you.”

“You have never been in love with Masaki, right?” Fine, Sho asked him rhetorically, but he really didn’t want to hear that.

“Who knows,” Nino finally said. Somehow he knew it was senseless to lie at the other. Sho had always had a soft spot for others lying at him. She had a great passion for fairness and he hated it to be lied to. But in the end it didn’t concern him what Nino felt for someone else – with the exception that Jun had been Sho’s ex-boyfriend. 

“Kazu, you can trick Satoshi or Jun, but I think Jun is not stupid, he’ll recognize pretty fast what’s going on here. And I guess Masaki knows about it, right?” Sho started.

“So you think Satoshi is stupid?” Nino replied.

“Don’t wander from the subject,” Sho warned. He always got a dark voice when he was grumpy, and his eyes got from hazel to dark brown. Nino got always a little afraid when Sho got into this mode, and he had no idea why he felt like this.

“And what do you think what’s going on here?” Nino retorted.

Nino hated it to be forced onto the defensive. Even though Sho was right, he still didn’t like it. Sho seemed to be calm and totally aware that he was in the better position here. Nino just hoped that Sho had a good reason for asking him out. Fears started running through his mind. What if Sho would tell him that Jun was his’ and Nino should step back. But he never stepped forward? So why should he step back. There were so many thoughts in Nino’s mind that almost everything started spinning around.

Sho’s eyes turned a little lighter again and the dark mood got into a warm and caring one. Now Nino was totally irritated. What the hell was going on here?

“Listen Kazu, I am good with reading other people, and I know about your feelings for a long time,” Sho said.

Nino closed his eyes. That was definitely no good. “Sho,” he started but got immediately interrupted.

“No.” Sho raised his hand. “Don’t.” He looked at Nino with a small smile curling around his lips. “I am not here to offend you. And I am not here, because I am mad.”

It was the weirdest situation Nino had experienced in his life. He still had no idea what was going on here, and the strange feeling pulling in his belly didn’t disappear either. He still wanted to run away, to leave this all behind.

“So, what do you want from me than?” Nino asked.

Sho shrugged. “I am just curious.” He walked back till he reached the bench not far away. He sat down and looked at his feet for some moments. “You know that we broke up?”

Nino couldn’t believe that he was really having this talk with Sho – the one he was jealous of like he had never been before. The one who had the greatest luck to be together with Jun. The one Nino wanted to push away, and in his dark moments, he sometimes wished that Sho would disappear. And now, after they had broken up, he was happy. He felt bad, because he felt happy. It was such a weird situation. He liked Sho from the bottom of his heart, but Sho had had something Nino wanted to have. And now Jun was free, but he’d never look at Nino like he had looked at Sho.

Nino just nodded. “Of course you know. You are Jun’s second half.” Sho shook his head. “No offense, really. Satoshi is something like my second half in the end. The one I share my secrets with. That was always totally okay for me, and I never asked anything further or got jealous about it.”

Nino tried to imagine how he would have felt in Sho’s position. Had he always known that Nino had special feelings for Jun? That must have been a hard time to see Jun meeting with Nino while he had known that Nino was secretly in love with Jun. Jun had never been the type of betraying someone, but it had been a hard time for Sho. Slowly Nino felt guilty and bad. “I am so sorry.”

“Why?” Sho looked up at him. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Sho stretched and leaned against the backrest of the bench. He looked up at the sky and took some time to start talking again. “I always knew that Jun needed a friend like you have always been for him. Though I could see you suffer because of the situation I could see that you’d never tried something that would ruin your friendship with Jun or our friendship. And it may sound weird, but I felt sorry for you. You looked so stressed and pained when you had been with Jun.”

That was definitely getting crazier with every second. “You weren’t the reason Jun had ended our relationship.”

“What was the reason?” Nino didn’t know if he was allowed to ask this. Nino didn’t even ask Jun about it.

Sho shrugged. “I guess our time was over. We got stuck. We had started fighting over silly things, and there was nothing calming and relaxing anymore. It was just a matter of time till it had to come to an end.”

It was that simple? No tragedy? No huge fight? No big story behind it? Nino almost couldn’t believe it. He got to know about hundreds of fights Jun and Sho had over the years, and Nino was sure, that if that relationship would end one day, they’d break up with a big fight and drama.

“Are you surprised?” Sho seemed that he could read Nino’s thoughts.

“A little bit,” Nino said. He smiled at Sho. “It’s so unspectacular.”

Now Sho laughed. “The most dramatic pairing breaks up totally unspectacular and simple. How boring…”

“What do you want me to do now?” Nino asked.

Sho pulled out a card of his pocket. “I want to ask you for help.”

“Me?” Nino pointed at himself. He wondered what would come now. He just hoped Sho didn’t need any tips for relationships.

Sho handed him the card. It was the one from a night club. “I followed Jun – he went there for at least five times. I am afraid Kazu, afraid that he does something stupid.”

Nino looked at that card. He knew that club, and he knew that it was mainly about drinking a lot of alcohol till you forget who you are and where you come from. Jun was an adult, he could go where he wanted to, but Nino agreed to Sho, that was no good. Jun had never been the one who was attracted to such things.

“What shall I do?” Nino looked at Sho.

“Talk with him, follow him, do anything. Please,” Sho plead. “He would never listen to me, Kazu. But he’ll listen to you.”

Nino wasn’t sure about that. Jun could be pretty stubborn, especially when it was about his private life. Nino could remember when he once tried Jun to stop smoking. Jun didn’t talk with him for days, and he never ever dared to ask Jun about stopping something. “I am not sure about it,” Nino said honestly. “It’s Jun after all.”

Sho sighed. There was something else bothering him. “I think he is broken, Kazu.”

“But why? He left you after all, and you said that there was no special reason for you to break up,” Nino said.

“Please, try to break through his walls,” Sho plead again. There wouldn’t be another answer than this Nino would get.

“Okay.” Nino nodded. At least he could give this a try.

~~~

Nino looked at the address on the card. He was right – and he couldn’t believe it. This was probably the worst area he had ever been. The people around were everything but trustworthy and Nino feared that he’d get beaten up or bullied by some of them standing there.

Nino thought about going into this club, but he was afraid what he’d get to see there, so he hid behind some big dustbins and waited. At some point he had to smile. That must have looked ridiculous. He looked at the club’s entry from time to time and hid again when someone was coming up. He just hoped that no one would see him there.

Right in the moment Nino wanted to give up, he heard a well-known voice at the entrance’s door. “I have no idea what you are talking about?” It was definitely Jun.

Nino peeked around the corner of the dustbins to see what was going on there. He could see Jun standing there, talking with someone. But this guy stood in the door frame, he wasn’t able to see him. “I told you Matsumoto-san, we don’t want to see you here when you are in this state. You know what happened last time, and we want to prevent that happens again.”

“I am just a normal guest,” Jun answered. Nino looked at his friend. He gulped. He had never seen Jun like this before. Of course there had been nights they went out together and they had drunken too much, but that was something different. Jun stumbled a little backwards. “I didn’t … do … any-thin-g.”

The man stepped out of the door to hold Jun by his arm. “Matsumoto-san, you need to go home. You are drunk, and last time you attacked one of the other guests. So please go home now.”

Nino had seen enough. He stood up and walked up to the man and Jun. “I am sorry, we are leaving now. I’ll take him with me.”

“Kazu? What the hell are you doing here?” Jun looked at him. Jun’s eyes were small and he probably wouldn’t remember about this whole thing tomorrow.

Nino sighed. “I am here to bring you home. And now let’s go.” Nino took Jun by his hand and pulled him out of the alley. He bowed in front of the man and apologized for Jun’s behaviour.

“What the hell is up with you?” Nino growled when they walked down the street. “Are you nuts to come here, get drunk and attack a guest?”

Jun shrugged. “He bullied me.”

Nino pulled one eyebrow up. He couldn’t imagine that there was one person able to bully Jun. Jun was a strong character and he never let himself being provoked by someone else. He’d go away to leave the other behind, but he’d never get into a fight. Here was something totally off, and Nino had no good feeling about it.

“Jun,” Nino started.

“No, don’t say my name in this tone. I don’t want any lecture from you,” Jun said. His voice was strong and stubborn. Nino knew this tone, and he didn’t like it. Nino shook his head. That would be hard work to break through Jun’s walls. What the hell had happened between him and Sho?


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you have something to drink at home?” Jun asked. He had the fridge open and looked back at Nino.

 

“No.” Nino shrugged. “I usually don’t drink at home. That’s why I don’t have anything here.”

 

“Okay, I’ll go to get us something.” Jun smiled. “I will be back soon.”

 

Before Nino could say something, Jun had already slipped out of the apartment to the next supermarket.

 

Nino sighed. He angled for his phone and searched through his contacts. He needed to know what was going on here. “Hey, Satoshi,” Nino said, when he heard that someone picked up the call.

 

“Oh, Kazu, what do you need?” Satoshi seemed to be outside, because Nino could hear loud traffic noises in the background.

 

“Do you know what’s going on with J?” Nino asked directly.

 

He could hear Satoshi breathing in deeply. “Kazu, I…” Satoshi started.

 

Nino rubbed his face. Okay, Satoshi was in the same situation Nino was. Just that Satoshi did everything for Sho.  Nino remembered when they sat together almost a year ago, drowning their lovesickness in two bottles of wine, one bottle of sake and half a bottle of vodka. This evening ended pretty badly. And none of them ever talked about the night the both of them spend together. If someone asked, that had never happened. It was just nice that Nino wasn’t the only one suffering. He had found someone to talk to.

 

“I understand, you can’t say anything. I understand that, but Jun’s going crazy. I fear that he does something pretty stupid. He starts drinking recently. And he gets more and more aggravated,” Nino must have sounded frustrated, because Satoshi finally answered.

 

“Maybe it was Jun’s fault that they broke up, and you know that Jun hates it to make mistakes.”

 

“Mistakes?” Nino asked.

 

“Sorry, I really can’t tell you more,” Satoshi excused.

 

Nino bit on his fingernail. What did that mean? What the hell did Jun do? “Thank you Satoshi, you helped me a lot already.”

 

“Take care of him, okay?” Satoshi sounded worried.

 

“I will,” Nino promised.

 

Nino waited till Jun came back to the apartment, a bag with some bottles of beer in it in his hands. “Let’s enjoy this evening.” Jun grinned.

 

Nino rolled his eyes. He couldn’t ask Jun directly. He knew that Jun would never say what had happened between them. Jun was stubborn and too proud to share his mistakes with someone else. Nino wanted to kick Jun’s butt sometimes, but in the end he wasn’t better. He loved this guy since forever, and he had never found the courage to say word. Maybe he and Jun weren’t that different.

 

It didn’t take Jun long to get drunken. While Nino had one beer, Jun already opened the sixth. “Don’t you think it’s enough, Jun?”

 

“Don’t tell me what I shall do or not do,” Jun shouted. His voice was already cracked. He had problems when he tried to stand up to grab himself another beer. “I am not a child anymore,” Jun snorted.

 

“I am worried about you,” Nino said.

 

“No need to…ya don…nee…to…every’thin…s…ookayy…” Nino sighed. Now Jun was at the edge. He wouldn’t stand long anymore. Nino had just experienced it once that Jun drank so much till he had to throw up for the whole night.

 

“How about taking a shower and going to bed, J?” Nino said.

 

Jun came closer to him, and sat next to Nino. “Don’t act like my mommy, okay?” Jun claimed.

 

“Okay.” Nino looked at his friend. Jun’s eyes were small and tired. Nino blinked. He didn’t like how Jun looked at him right now.

 

A silence appeared between them, and Nino didn’t like Jun’s stares. It made him nervous.

 

“I don’t like that,” Jun said.

 

“Okay, Jun. But please stop drinking now. It’s really enough.” Nino tried it again.

 

Jun came closer. Nino felt a cold shiver running down his spine. Nino could feel Jun’s breath in his neck. “I am not a child anymore, Kazu.” Jun left a small peck on Nino’s cheek, before he sat back on the other side of the couch. He took the beer and emptied in one go.

 

Now Nino got really annoyed. His cheek was still burning from the kiss Jun left there, but it didn’t feel good. It was just awkward and felt wrong. Nino hated drunken people since he had to bear with an alcohol addict in his family. He was able to keep calm for a long time, but now it was enough, he was at the end of his tether. Nino fisted his hand.

 

“That’s enough now. Come on, stand up.” Nino walked up to Jun and pulled on his arm. First he felt Jun fighting against his grip, but even though Nino was the smaller one, he wasn’t weak. He pulled on Jun with all his might, till Jun stood up. Nino dragged him along to the bathroom.

 

He didn’t even care about undressing Jun, he just shoved him under the shower and turned on the cold water.

 

Jun shrieked. “Are you nuts, Kazu.” He pulled on Nino’s arm, till he fell forward under the shower and both of them got soaking wet almost immediately.

 

“Are you refreshed now?” Nino grumbled. He took one of the towels and rubbed it over his head.

 

Jun sat on the border of the bathtub, his gaze lowered. He didn’t look up at Nino. Some water drops from his wet hair dropped down on the floor, creating a small puddle there. “Everything’s a mess,” Jun finally said.

 

He looked up and Nino almost froze. He had never seen Jun with such sad and dark eyes. “What happened, Jun?” Nino wanted to know.

 

Jun shook his head. He wanted to answer, but before he could say something, he jumped up and rushed to the toilet.

 

Nino sighed. He had known that it would end in throwing up all night long. He walked up to Jun and knelt next to him. He stroked over Jun’s back. “I knew that this would happen.”

 

Jun moaned. He looked to the side and glanced at Nino. “Just shut up, please.” There he was again, the old Jun. The short moment where Nino had the feeling to see the vulnerable and hurt Jun was over again. Jun hid behind the wall again and Nino wasn’t sure how to break through it.

 

“I go and get you some water,” Nino said after a while. Jun rested his head on the toilet seat and rubbed with his hands over his stomach. Nino hated him seeing like this. It reminded him of his uncle he had often seen like this, and it still hurt him to see people in such a state.

 

“Thank you.” Jun had his eyes closed. Nino had the feeling that he’d fall asleep there.

 

“I am back in a minute,” he said and left Jun behind there.

 

Nino exhaled when he went to the kitchen. It was hard for him to see his friend like this. It hurt him, and he wanted to know what was going on here. He had the slight feeling that this whole mess wasn’t Sho’s fault, even though it would have been easier if he was the reason for this – then Nino would have had someone to scold.

 

Nino took a towel and opened the freezer to take out some ice cubes. He wrapped the cubes into the towel and walked back to Jun.

 

Jun still sat there, his eyes closed. “Here.” Nino handed him the towel, but Jun didn’t even react. Nino sighed. He knelt next to Jun and placed the item in the other’s neck. Jun yelled out when the cold touched his skin. Nino had to smile about that.

 

“That’s freezing cold,” Jun grumbled.

 

“Yeah, that’s the reason why you shall use it. It’ll make you feel better,” Nino said.

 

“I doubt that,” Jun looked at him. “Maybe it’ll make my neck all stiff and cold, but I don’t think I’ll feel better afterwards.”

 

Nino rubbed the towel left and right. He could feel Jun shiver. “You already seem to be sober again. At least a little bit.” Nino smiled.

 

“I am not that drunk,” Jun pouted.

 

“No, of course not,” Nino teased him. “And now come, you need to go to bed.”

 

“Thanks, Kazu.” Jun stood up and let Nino help him to the bedroom. “Do you stay here tonight? You know my couch is yours. And I’d appreciate to not eat alone tomorrow morning.”

 

Nino smiled. “Will you tell me about the mess you have in your life?”

 

Jun shrugged. “Maybe.”

 

“Okay, then I’ll stay,” Nino said before he walked back to the living room.

 

~~~

 

Nino lied on the couch for two hours and he wasn’t able to sleep at least a bit. The last hours were exhausting. Nino pulled out his mobile and scrolled through the numbers. He dialled.

 

“Hey, Sho-chan. I take care of Jun right now, but he doesn’t want to talk about something,” Nino said when the other took the call.

 

“But you are with him now, and he didn’t do anything stupid again?” Sho asked.

 

“Yes, I took him home,” Nino said.

 

“What the hell do you mean with that?” Nino winced. He looked up at Jun, who was standing at the doorframe. 

 

Nino sat up immediately, the phone still on his ear. “I call you later,” he just said and hung up. “Jun,” he started.

 

“No, don’t say my name like that, why do you talk with Sho?” Jun’s eyes were dark, and Nino knew he should be afraid now, because Jun with dark eyes always meant getting scold.

 

Nino sighed. There was no chance to escape Jun here. And the best thing would probably be to tell the truth. “Sho asked me to take a look after you.”

 

“He did what?” Jun blurred out. He had his hands fisted. Nino knew his friend like this, and he knew that it was dangerous to say something now, because everything could have been wrong.

 

Nino stood up and got closer to Jun, who immediately stepped backwards. “Listen to me, Jun, please.” Nino’s heart beat fast. He knew that every step could be the wrong one now.

 

Jun just shook his head. His eyes were dark and full of anger. Nino had hardly ever seen his friend like this. Jun stepped closer and for a moment Nino feared that his friend would slap him, but Jun sat next to him, his head resting on the backrest. He sighed. Nino could see Jun’s eyes lighten up when he turned his head to face Nino.

 

“I wait,” Jun grumbled. “You said you want to explain things to me.”

 

Nino shifted on the couch. He felt incredibly uncomfortable. Jun always had this special aura around him, which could be really warm and tender but also totally scaring. “You know, Sho-chan came to me and asked me for help.”

 

Jun looked at him without saying something. He just pulled one eyebrow up and crossed his arms in front of his body. Nino sighed. “He is worried about you, and so am I.”

 

“He is worried?” Jun asked. “I am okay, I don’t need any help.”

 

Nino smiled. Jun had always been such a bad liar. Jun’s body language didn’t need any further words. He was tensed and stressed and it was far away from okay. “What the hell happened to you Jun?” Nino asked. Probably he wouldn’t get an answer, but he at least wanted to try it.

 

“Nothing.” Jun shrugged.

 

Nino rolled his eyes. God damn, Jun was so damn proud and stubborn, more than he could ever be. “Jun, don’t fool me. I am your friend, and I know you better than anyone else. I can see in your eyes that there is something terribly wrong. You never drank much alcohol and what’s about that strange club?”

 

Jun rubbed his hands on his pants. Nino had never seen him insecure like this before. He felt caught like a little child after doing something wrong. Jun breathed out. “You won’t let me go without telling you the truth, right?”

 

“Nope. Sorry.” Nino shook his head. And he would immediately recognize when Jun was lying, he always did.

 

Jun rubbed his face. “I did something really stupid, Kazu.” Jun looked at Nino. “I betrayed Sho-kun.”

 

Nino had thought about various reasons for Jun’s behaviour, but this wasn’t one of the options he had thought about. “You?”

 

Jun laughed out. “Unbelievable, right?”

 

“Why didn’t you try to clear things up between you and Sho?” Nino wanted to know. Everything got more and more confusing. This wasn’t the Jun Nino knew. He acted so different.

 

“I am really tired Kazu. I want to go to bed now,” Jun said while he stood up. No, he wouldn’t get away now.

 

“Hey, you promised to tell me the truth, Jun.” Nino pulled on Jun’s arm.

 

“I told you the truth, Kazu. That’s everything. I betrayed him and ended it because I couldn’t stand it anymore. That's it. Everything is okay now. I went out a little more often during the last weeks, but it’s nothing to worry about, really,” Jun explained.

 

Damn, Jun could be so closed. Nino wanted to shake him to get everything out of him. There was so much hidden behind a wall, and he would never talk about it. “Okay, good night,” Nino said. His stomach clenched terribly. He wanted to know more, but not now. Jun wouldn’t say something now.

 

Jun blinked at him. He seemed to be astonished about Nino’s reaction. “Good night, Kazu.” Jun smiled before he walked back to his room without looking back again.

 

Nino angled for his phone. It was already half past 3am and he felt terribly tired. Two missed calls and one message popped up on his display. He opened the message. It was from Sho.

 

_Kazu, we need to talk tomorrow. I guess Jun had recognized that I talked with you. Let me explain some more things. Sho_

 

“All the mess, gosh, I don’t want this,” Nino grumbled. He wanted to stay in his own little world where he could suffer because of his feelings, but he didn’t want to suffer because of that _and_ because of Jun’s upside downs. Nino pulled the blanket over his head and closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep, but he ended in throwing himself from left to right and back.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Nino walked up and down in front of the small coffee shop near the agency. He had left Jun’s apartment before the other had been awake. Nino didn’t want to make any explanation why he had to leave Jun’s apartment without having breakfast together. And he knew that Jun would be suspicious and immediately asking Nino out – what would lead to the end that Nino would tell him about meeting Sho, and Jun would end up mad. And that’s what Nino didn’t need right now.

He walked up and down, till he could see a well-known face appearing around the corner. “Hey, Kazu.” Sho stepped to him. “Let’s walk into the shop?” He suggested.

“Sure,” Kazu said and walked behind the other into the coffee shop. The smell of fresh made coffee and bagels made Nino’s stomach grumble. “You pay.” Nino pointed at the other. He was seriously in a bad mood.

“It’s okay,” Sho chuckled. “I am used to it already.”

Nino glanced at him. “What do you mean?”

Sho grinned and Nino hated his smile. “Oh come on, I always pay when we are out.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever,” Nino said. “I want a double chocolate coffee and a salami bagel with cucumber and cheese.”

“Sure,” Sho nodded and walked up to the counter to get their orders. Nino sat there, the nervousness in him rising. He knew that Jun was often in this area and he hoped that he wouldn’t come here today.

Nino waited till the other came back with a plate and the coffee and food on it. He sat to Nino and placed the cup in front of him. “And you bagel,” Sho said with a smile.

Nino took a bite and leaned back against his chair. “Okay, Sho-chan, and now I want to know the truth. I want to know what’s going on here.”

Sho sighed. He fought with his words. “Honestly, I don’t know what happened to us.” He looked at Nino. Sho’s eyes were tired and small. “We drifted apart during the last months, and I often had the feeling that our relationship was coming to an end, but I didn’t think that it would end with a big drama.”

“What did Jun do?” Nino wanted to know. He wasn’t interested in any details of Sho and Jun’s past relationship, because he didn’t want to hurt himself more than it was necessary.

Sho smiled at him. He seemed to understand why Nino reacted like this. “I think he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to end our relationship, but he wasn’t happy either. That’s what made him torn between all this. And then he did something stupid, and it made him freaking out. He started doing all these stupid things.”

It was like Sho talked about someone Nino didn’t know. This was definitely not the Jun Nino knew and loved. “That sounds so unlike Jun.”

Sho smiled sadly. “Do you know about Jun’s past before we got together?”

Nino gulped. Yes, he knew about it, but he didn’t want to think about it. Jun had once told him about his past, and Nino had listened to him, and afterwards he had decided that he would never think of this story again. “Yes.” Nino nodded. “Sho-chan, what shall we do?”

Sho tilted his head. He twisted the spoon in his cup absent-minded. “I really don’t know it.” Nino already guessed that answer, and in the end he didn’t know it either.

“Tell me one thing, Sho-chan,” Nino said and waited till the other looked at him. “Why are you so calm in this whole situation?”

“I am not calm, I am worried, Kazu. But if you talk about Jun’s mistake and the whole mess we had.” Sho made a break. It was the first time Kazu saw something sad and frustrated sparkling in Sho’s eyes. “I think I am not faultless. Our relationship was over long ago, Kazu. We were stuck in a daily routine. The both of us felt same, but no one wanted to realize it. And I think we both didn’t want to be alone.” Sho scratched his head. “Ahh, that’s all a mess.” He smiled at Nino. “But you know, I think you are more important to Jun than he believes you are.”

Nino blinked. What did Sho mean with this? Was he talking about different feelings from Jun’s side? “You mean that Jun has feelings for me?”

Sho nodded. “I am pretty sure about it, because I think that’s one of the reasons Jun freaked out.”

Nino now laughed. “I don’t know, Sho. He always says that he will never fall in love with a bandmate or a colleague again. So I don’t think that there is something more from his side.”

Sho returned the smile. “Nah, let’s see.”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Yeah, let’s see.”

~~~

Nino looked at Jun closely during the rehearsal. He tried to act like always, but it was clearly visible that there was something strange, and Nino was sure that even the staff had already realized that there was something wrong.

“Hey, Kazu, I need to talk with you,” Aiba whispered during a small break.

Nino looked at his friend. Oh no, that was nothing nice Aiba wanted to tell him. “Okay, let’s go outside to get us a coffee from the vending machine.”

They walked down the corridor and stopped at the blinking machine. Nino took some coins and got himself a hot coffee. “What happened Masaki?” He asked after a big sip of his hot liquid.

Aiba sighed. “Jun,” he started. “He goes on my nerves with you as main topic. And he destroys something else for me with his actions.”

Nino could see Aiba blushing. Oh, oh, oh…Aiba was in love, Nino knew this face he had right now. “Who is he?” Nino poked Aiba’s side.

“It doesn’t matter,” Aiba chuckled nervously. “It’s just that it’s … I don’t know … you know … it destroys everything for me … somehow … you know …” he stuttered.

Nino laughed out loud. He patted Aiba’s shoulder. “Stop it, Masaki. It’s okay, I will clear things up, but tell me, who it is.”

Aiba nibbled on his lower lip. “It’s Kame-chan. We meet each other one month now, but he gets a little bit worried because of this Jun thing, and I can’t tell him the truth, so I am stuck in finding excuses.”

Nino squealed. “Oh god, Masaki, that’s great.” He stepped closer and hugged his friend. He felt happy for Aiba. At least one of them should be happy.

“Okay, okay, Kazu,” Aiba laughed. “Let’s go back to the others before he start missing us.”

Nino nodded. “I am really happy for you, Masaki,” he said before they walked back.

They reached the rehearsing room, and Nino could see Jun standing at the window, looking outside. Nino looked at Aiba and nodded. He walked up to Jun and waited till Aiba was back in the rehearsing room, leaving them alone.

“Hey, Jun,” Nino said. “Is everything okay?”

Jun turned to him. “Yes, everything okay.” He turned to Nino. “You and Masaki look good together.”

Damn, now Nino had to say something. He needed to clear things up now. “Listen, Jun. About that.” Nino shifted on his place. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned next to Jun. “I am not interested in Masaki this way.”

Jun blinked at him. “What do you mean?”

Nino smiled. “Masaki is my friend, I love him as friend, but there is nothing more between us.” He scanned Jun’s face, but he wasn’t sure which kind of feelings he could see there.

“Why did you say that you like him?” Jun wanted to know.

Oh god, now Nino had to say something, but he couldn’t be honest right now, couldn’t he? What would happen if he’d tell Jun the truth? There was so much sadness and so many problems appearing in Jun’s eyes.

Nino feared that Jun would draw back when he’d confess to him, and he feared that everything would become worse. No, he couldn’t say something, it was just impossible.

“Hello? Kazu?” Jun waved his hand in front of Nino’s face.

He shook his head. “I am sorry Jun, I was a little absent-minded.” He turned to Jun. “I don’t know why I told you this. There is no one in my life right now.” He felt his stomach clenching.

Jun smiled at him. Were there sad wrinkles around Jun’s lips? “I want to go out tonight, do you want to accompany me?” Jun asked. Oh no, Nino didn’t want to go out. He hated it to go to bars and clubs. But maybe it was the best to go with Jun, otherwise he would start doing stupid things again, and Nino would never forgive himself if something would happen to Jun.

“Okay, I am in, but you owe me a beer or two if I join,” Nino sighed.

Jun laughed. “Typically Kazu.” He poked Nino’s side. “Always scrounge something from others.”

Nino pricked out his tongue. “Maybe you need to pay me three beers.”

“Oh okay.” Jun raised his hands. “I stop now before I end up with ten beers I owe you.”

Nino smiled. For a second Jun looked happy and for just one moment everything seemed to be alright. It was the old Jun Nino loved so much. There was no worry, no sadness and no anger in him. It was just the smiling, happy Jun Nino wanted to have back so badly.

But with one step back into the rehearsal room, Jun’s mood changed and everything was like it had been before. Slowly Nino feared that Jun would never change again.

~~~

“And,” Jun giggled. He raised his hand and pointed at Nino, who felt already pretty bad. Jun had drunken far too much, and Nino wasn’t able to prevent it. Jun was a strong character and he didn’t listen to others if he had a certain wish or plan. “Everything sucks,” Jun laughed out.

“Jun,” Kazu said carefully. “Don’t you think it’s time to go home?”

“No, no, no,” Jun said. “We drink another one, Kazu.”

Nino sighed. “It’s enough Jun, really.” He took the bottle from Jun’s hand, but he took it back from Nino immediately.

“No, it’s not.” Jun sounded like a little child. “I need it.”

“Jun.” Nino leaned forward. “You don’t need alcohol and I don’t know what else to be happy.”

Jun snorted. “Happy?” He took a big sip from his beer. “I won’t be happy ever again.”

Nino felt his heart beat rising. “Come.” He pulled Jun up to the bathroom. He took Jun’s hands and held it under the cold water while he splashed some more water on Jun’s face.

Jun yelled out and tried to get his hands free. “Are you a little bit more sober now?” Jun glanced at Nino. “Okay, the way you look at me tells me that you are at least not in a total drunken attitude anymore.”

“What do you want, Kazu?” Jun huffed. Oh great, now Jun was angry.

“I want you to stop telling me that you won’t be happy again in your life, because that’s nonsense,” Nino said.

Jun leaned against the wall. “I hate my life, Kazu.”

Nino stepped closer and took Jun’s arm till he could feel Jun’s body against his. Nino placed his hands around Jun and pulled him into an embrace. Soon he could feel Jun sobbing into his neck, but he couldn’t care less about that right now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 I hope you like the end of the story <3

„Please, let’s go home now, okay?” Nino said after a while. He and Jun still stood in the bathroom of this bar. Jun had stopped crying, but he was still leaning into Nino’s hug. “I don’t want to discuss anything further right here.”   
  
He could feel Jun nodding. Nino felt the knot in his belly dissolving a tiny bit. He looked at Jun, who looked more horrible than ever before. It was a mixture between drunkenness and sadness, but also something like relieve. Maybe Nino would manage it to make Jun talk about his problems now.   
  
They left the bar and Nino could feel Jun leaning against him. The fresh air mixed with the alcohol wasn’t good for Jun. It was like his drunkenness increased without drinking something more. “My life is a big bunch of broken pieces of glass. It’s completely worthless.”   
  
“Jun, can we talk when we’re at home?” Nino asked. They had to cross this stupid big park till they’d get to Nino’s apartment. It had been one of his requirements: He wanted to go to a bar not far away from his home – which turned out to be perfect in this situation.   
  
“We can talk about everything,” Jun said with a laugh. That would become another great night for Nino.   
  
“Good, we are soon at home, Jun,” Nino said.   
  
~~~  
  
Nino panted heavily when they reached his apartment. He still had to carry Jun, who leaned heavily on his right side. “Okay, I leave you here for a moment, okay Jun?” Nino placed Jun against the wall and hoped he’d just stay like this. He fumbled with his keys and opened the door. With one foot he held the door open and stretched to get Jun from the wall. “Come.” He pulled on Jun’s arm. Jun stumbled forward and giggled when he bumped against Nino.   
  
Nino pulled Jun along till they reached the couch. He pushed Jun down and pressed his hands into his hips. “You stay here, I get you some water and some ice.”   
  
“Oh, I want some beer and wine, Kazu,” Jun laughed.   
  
Nino rolled his eyes. That would become a great night. He needed to get Jun back to his senses. “Here,” Nino said and placed a glass of water on the table.   
  
“Where is the ice?” Jun whined like a child. He shrieked when Nino placed a towel with ice cubes in Jun’s neck.   
  
“Are you feeling better now?” Nino grumbled.   
  
“No, I freeze,” Jun said.   
  
“But at least you get back to normal again,” Nino sat next to Jun. “Jun, I don’t want to see you like this again. You need to stop this horror with the alcohol and your bar visits. It’s enough.”   
  
Jun looked down on his feet. First he didn’t say anything, but then he looked up at Nino. “I …” He shook his head. “I ruined everything. It was my fault, Kazu.”   
  
“What did you do, Jun?” Nino asked. Of course he knew some things from Sho already, but he wanted Jun to talk with him about everything.   
  
Jun leaned back. “I betrayed Sho-kun. I met a nice guy in a bar, and it happened.” Jun looked at Nino. “I ended the relationship and now I am here. I have nothing but mess in my life.”   
  
“Why did you do this, Jun?”   
  
Jun had his eyes wide open. He didn’t seem to count with this question. “I don’t know.”   
  
Nino smiled at him. “Is it possible that you weren’t happy in your relationship?”   
  
Jun fumbled with his bracelet. He was nervous. “Is that what Sho says?”   
  
Nino froze. What should he say now? Yes, it was what Sho had told him, but how would Jun react to this. Nino just nodded.   
  
Jun snorted. “I don’t know why you talk with him about me.”   
  
Nino shifted on his seat. He didn’t know if he was allowed to get closer to Jun. In the end he didn’t dare to sit next to his friend. “Because he is worried, Jun. And he asked me to help him, because he knows how much I care about you.”   
  
Jun’s eyes switched from dark and cold to warm and tender. It seemed Nino had found the right words in this moment. “I was happy at the beginning of our relationship. Sho was caring, sweet and nice. Don’t get me wrong,” Jun said when he saw Nino’s dark glance. “He was always nice and sweet to me, even in more difficult times.”   
  
“What changed between the two of you?” Nino asked.   
  
Jun sighed. “You know what happened to me before I got together with Sho.”   
  
Nino nodded. He felt a cold shiver running down his spine when he thought about the time after Jun had had this horrible time. “After my ex had betrayed me for years, I swore that I would never, never do that to someone else. And after he had mistreated me for months, I swore that my next relationship would be different, and that I would find someone who treats me good.”   
  
Jun rubbed his face. “And I had found it with Sho.” Jun drank some water. He breathed out deeply. It was hard for him to talk about all of this. “But after some years of being together I felt my feelings change. I still liked him, I always did, but there was something different from before. It wasn’t love anymore. I like him, but not enough to stay in a relationship with him. I found myself being interested in someone else.”   
  
Nino could see Jun suffer while talking. He pushed away all his thoughts and slipped next to Jun on the couch. He pulled his arm around Jun and stroked down his back. “Why didn’t you end it immediately?”   
  
Nino could see a tear dropping down on the ground. Jun wasn’t looking at him. He stared at the carpet like he wanted to hypnotize it. After a while he looked up at Nino. “I couldn’t end it. I was so damn proud, and I thought that I had found what I longed for years ago. I had someone who took care of me, who treated me good, who loved me. But one day I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was stuck in this feeling of missing something. I went to this bar and it just happened.” Jun sobbed. “I didn’t even think about if it’s wrong what I do. I just did it. I wasn’t even drunk, it was my decision.”   
  
“Jun,” Nino started, but got immediately interrupted.   
  
“No, I am the worst person ever. I did what I never wanted to experience again. And I did this to my boyfriend, to the one I once loved and still liked.” Jun pointed at himself. It burdened him.   
  
“Does it help when I tell you that Sho didn’t assault you for what you have done,” Nino said.   
  
“No, not much,” Jun shook his head.   
“You aren’t a bad person, Jun.” Nino drew some small patterns over Jun’s back. “Maybe your relationship was meant to end here. Maybe you should have ended it long before this happened?” Oh great, Nino hated himself for saying this out loud. He really should learn to keep his thoughts behind.   
  
“You mean Sho had the same feelings?” Jun asked. Now Nino was wondering. Hadn’t Sho told Jun that he wasn’t in love with Jun anymore?   
  
Nino just nodded. It didn’t matter if he told Jun the whole truth now. Maybe it would help Jun. “Can you please stop with these alcohol escapades, Jun?”   
  
Jun looked at him. “Kazu.”   
  
“No.” Nino raised his hand. “I want you to stop this self-destruction. You are such a great guy, Jun. There is no other way than loving you. You are good-hearted, sweet, caring and all over that you are good looking.”   
  
Jun laughed at that. “Thank you, Kazu.”   
  
Nino felt something in him clenching. He had another question, but he didn’t dare to ask it. He nibbled on his lower lip nervously, thinking about it again and again. Damn, it didn’t matter now. “Jun, you said you fell for someone else?”   
  
Jun blinked at him. He nodded silently. Was there a blush on Jun’s face? “Yes,” Jun started. “During the years my feelings for someone changed. I think my feelings for my best friend changed from my feelings years ago.”   
  
Nino nodded. “Who is he?”   
  
Jun looked at him with eyes wide open. “Kazu, you have the best senses when it’s about feelings, intentions and behaviour from others. So you are kidding me now, right?”   
  
Nino froze. He was sure that he looked like frozen when he had heard Jun’s words. “You mean…” he croaked and pointed at himself.   
  
Jun nodded. “But you really don’t need to return …” Jun started, but Nino had already wrapped his arms around Jun and pulled him into an embrace. To hell with his own worries and thoughts of it would be alright for Sho or someone else. He had waited so long for this to happen, and he never thought that this would ever happen to them.   
  
“I want you to stop this crap, Jun,” Nino whispered into the other one’s ear. He could feel Jun’s hands wrapping around his waist, pulling him closer.   
  
“Okay.”   
  
“And I want you to talk with Sho about everything. He was worried about you like hell, and he deserves a proper talk,” Nino said further.   
  
He could feel Jun’s grip tighten. He sighed. “Okay.”   
  
Nino let his lips roam over Jun’s neck. He breathed in the well-known Jun-like smell he loved for so long. This was too good to be true. Nino had longed for that, and it was unbelievable that it happened to him right now.   
  
Nino could feel Jun pulling him closer till he was almost sitting on his lap. “It was the biggest burden for me to have you next to me as my friend, because my feeling of a friendship turning into something else got stronger and stronger. And I didn’t want Sho to…”   
Nino dissolved a bit from the embrace. “Stop it now, Jun. I want you to clear everything with Sho and with your worries about breaking up and with everything you have done. After that we’ll talk about everything concerning us, okay?”   
  
Jun suddenly chuckled. “When did you become so mature, Kazu?”   
  
Nino opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyes got smaller. “You’re stupid, Jun.”   
  
Jun laughed out. “Thank you so much for kicking my ass, Kazu. I think I’ll get out of this.”   
  
“That sounds Jun-like.” Nino gave Jun a thumb up.   
  
“Can I at least give you one kiss before I need to get my life back into normal again?” Jun asked, his finger brushing over Nino’s cheek.   
  
“Oh god, yes,” Nino sighed. He had waited so long for this.   
  
He could feel Jun’s lips brushing over his before he started to deepen the kiss. Nino felt like fireworks exploding in him. This was definitely the best feeling he had ever experienced.   
  
  
~~~  
  
Nino walked up and down in his apartment. He looked at the clock on the wall almost every second. When the door finally opened he almost jump up. “Jun,” he said.   
  
He stopped when he saw Jun’s tear drained face. Jun looked up at him, smiling a little bit. “Is everything okay?”   
  
Jun nodded. He took Nino’s hand and both went to the living room where they sat down. Nino didn’t know why, but he was incredibly nervous about this. Maybe he feared that Jun would break down again after talking with Sho. “It was good. We talked openly about everything, even about the not so nice things.”   
  
Nino swallowed. “That’s good.” He slipped closer to Jun. “And you feel better now?”   
  
Jun nodded. “I feel like a burden dropped down from me.”   
  
“That’s really good to hear, Jun. Now you can make a step forward.” Nino brushed Jun’s cheek.   
  
Jun nodded. He leaned closer and took Nino’s face between his hands. “Only forward, and no break down anymore.” He smiled before he left some butterfly kisses on Nino’s face.   
  
“And now can we please make the next step in our relationship?” Jun grinned evilly.   
  
Nino smacked Jun’s head playfully, and shrugged then. “I hoped you’d ask for it.”   
  
Nino let himself being carried into the bedroom, and closed the door when Jun let him down again. Yes, the best time would start now.


End file.
